What is your earliest memory?
Sausage and chips at Auntie Joan’s.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
In my 20s, walking past a building site and getting my first and last wolf whistle – I was so shocked I did the classic bumping into a lamppost.
What would your super power be?
Rendering a person speechless with a stony stare.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
Happy with all of it – it’s other people who have expressed “dislike”.
If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
Sammy Davis Junior.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
What is your most unappealing habit?
What is your favourite smell?
Boudoir, by Vivienne Westwood.
What is your favourite word?
What is your favourite book?
Hangover Square, by Patrick Hamilton.
What do you owe your parents?
Sense of humour and a fat, high arse.
What does love feel like?
A joyful humiliation.
What was the best kiss of your life?
The first: I was 13, he was 19 – the dirty boy.
What has been your biggest disappointment?
As a kid, discovering my brain wasn’t controlled by The Numskulls from The Beezer.
If you could edit your past, what would you change?
1993 – ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with?
How do you relax?
Marijuana, cup of tea, Coronation Street.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Directing The Quare Fellow by Brendan Behan – 18 Irish men hanging on to my every word.
What song would you like played at your funeral?
I’d like to be cremated, so Disco Inferno (Burn Baby Burn), by The Trammps, would be fun.
How would you like to be remembered?
As “that long-legged blonde bird with the big tits”.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Honesty isn’t always the best policy.
Tell us a joke.
The Stock Da’wa, is at Hampstead Theatre until 14 May.
By Rosanna Greenstreet. Original article.